Disaster
by Mr. Nohbodee
Summary: A series of first-person one-shots starring Hetalia characters. Russia/Canada US/UK  Spamano   Oh, and it's lemon  flavored.  discontinued
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so this is my first lemon ever. EVAR. And it's in first person, so it was difficult. DX  
>ANYWAY! The summary sucks because nothing really happens in this story. BUT YOU GET TO ENJOY SOME LOVELY SMEX!<p>

This is KINDA AU. My friend had an awesome idea with the human names and I SUBTLETY stole it. (With-All-Hearts, look her up, she's amazing)

WARNINGSSSS: THIS IS FULL OF MAN SEX AND OTHER THINGS LIKE MAN SEX. THAT IS ALL THIS STORY IS. TWO MEN HAVING SEX.

DISCLAIIIMMERRR: Hetalia is not mine, the countries Canada and Russia are not mine. Nor England, or Germany or any of the other countries mention in this fanfiction.

P.S. All the Russian that is in this Fic came from Google Translate and it is the phonetic spelling. ('Cause it's from Canada's POV, and he doesn't know how to speak Russian or anything) If there are GLARING issues with it, then it's not my fault. I don't speak Russian. But if YOU speak Russian and are all like "What the hell? That's wrong" please tell me and I'll fix it!

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><p><em><strong>Disasters<br>**_

_Why is he staring at me like that?_ Did I do something? I mean, it wasn't like we were on bad terms or anything. I thought that after WWII we were allies, at least. Maybe even friends… But _he's still staring and it's freaking me out…._

"SO sound like a good plan? I feel that we can really get somewhere with this," Oh shit, what was he saying? Something about homeland security. Why does he keep blathering on and on about nothing? Well, that's America for you.

My eyes trailed back over to his seat. _Shit! He's still staring! _Perhaps he just wants to do some more trading, that was always good in the past. I had a lot of natural resources that he needed… And Canadian imports always looked good for politics… Not that ours were muddled or anything.

America noticed the large countries unwillingness to participate and promptly marched over to the country. "Yo! Dude! Are you even listening to me?" the intimidating nation turned and smiled sweetly at America.

"Oh, da, I think that this is very interesting." It was clear to the other nations gathered here, that he did not find America's speech interesting. Then he just went back to staring at me. Me?

America groaned, mumbled something that sounded dangerously close to 'communist,' and went back to his poorly drawn chart. But Russia didn't even notice. I turned around to see if anyone was standing behind me. Sometimes the Baltic States try to stay by the door. No such luck, just the wall behind me.

Suddenly, I felt like I was stranded on an island… And circling my island was the very hungry shark, Russia.

I searched the room for someone—anyone—surely somebody had to notice… Someone could help?

"And that is why bringing back the dinosaurs from the dead and creating an army of zombie dinosaurs will end world hunger." America concluded. He bowed and looked at us as if we were supposed to applaud. England stood, his brow furrowed and his jaw tight.

"I feel that since this meeting has gotten us nowhere we should just end it now. What are we going to achieve if we're just proposing preposterous ideas?" He said glaring over at America who had just sat down in his seat.

He stood again, blue eyes narrowing behind silver spectacles, "What? You think that we're going to feed people to get rid of their hunger? Well, _England_, where's all your food, huh?" He asked, his tone mocking. It made him sound like a bigger idiot.

England sputtered, his face heating up, "You _twat_! This conference was about _homeland security _not world hunger and your nonsense ideas on how to end it!" He shut his eyes a moment and collected his thoughts. "No, no, we are not going to end another conference in a fight."

"Why not?" America challenged he crossed his heavy cowhide clad arms, "Think you'd lose?"

Then chaos erupted. England dove towards America over the desk, Spain attempted to hold him back while Germany restrained America. Soon all the nations were spitting insults, throwing fists, and yelling nonsense at each other.

All but Russia, who sat calmly across the room, across the chaos, and stared at me, a slight smile playing on his lips. It sent goosebumps up my arms and an icy chill ran down my spine.

Why was he staring at me like that?

The conference ended with some bruised egos, but no injuries. Again. It seemed that with the serious discussions that went on in that room, we could solve negative three of the world's major issues. Fortunately, I escaped early enough to not run into Russia before reaching my car. Good lord that man… His eyes seemed as if they were taking my virginity or something. To sum up that meeting in two words, I would have to say very uncomfortable. I could just say uncomfortable, but it wasn't strong enough. No, I was very uncomfortable.

Once I came home I immediately went upstairs to shower. Something about that conference… I just felt dirty.

The more I thought about Russia, the more I hated myself more and him less. Not that I ever really hated Russia. To be honest, we were always on pretty neutral terms. If you count him completely ignoring me neutral, that is. But I digress. I found myself really liking that attention. As creepy as it was, somebody was noticing me. Me. And it didn't really seem like he wanted to invade me. Well, it did seem like he wanted to invade me, but like he wanted to invade my—er—vital regions.

And the worst part was I could picture it. I could hear me trying to suppress moans, and his hazy purple eyes locked on me.

I tried to shake the thought from my head, but something about it made me feel dangerous. Somehow not boring or transparent. It aroused me.

I tried to ignore my face as it grew unbearably hot and I grew steadily stiffer. I touched myself, felt all around. It felt weird and good and embarrassing and I wanted to stop but I could feel Russia's violet eyes still on me and it tickled my skin so I kept pumping and prodding and feeling. And it felt disgusting but I thought that I wouldn't mind so much- if Russia invaded me. Russia was powerful—intimidated other nations, we were on good terms. Andohmygod he_noticed_me.

I heard myself cry out as I released into my hand, and reality came rushing back to me in one huge wave. And even though there was nobody around, I felt absolutely disgusted. So I scrubbed my whole body until ivory skin turned into angry pink and red, the water becoming colder and colder until I finally stepped out and toweled off.

I ran a hand through my wet hair. What a disaster. Here I am, meek, invisible, quiet, innocent jerking off in the shower to Russia. _Russia!_

I laid on my bed the soft cotton of my pajamas still painful on my tender skin. It was like a sunburn all over my body.

What a disaster.

But it didn't end there. I dreamt of him too. We were in this long hallway lined with doors. The wallpaper was red and it had photos of sunflowers on it. Whispering things in my ears, I couldn't understand him, though. We were looking for a place to be alone, but everywhere was full. He got tired of looking and just had me in a hallway. His skin was icy cold and his breath like hot steam. There I was, mewling and begging. Like a sorry, disgusting little whore…

I woke up in the middle of the night. Stiff again. I went to the bathroom to take care of it.

The second time around it wasn't quite as exhilarating. I felt like it was a nuisance… Something to get rid of so I could get back to sleep. But I was louder and it took longer. I just forgot any self worth or respect. I bit my lip and moaned and gasped until it was gone again. And, like nothing happened, I cleaned up and went back to bed.

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><p>The next morning I was groggy and disoriented. It was going to be impossible the next time I saw Russia. I rested my head in the palms of my hands. Why <em>Russia?<em> That guy was a sadist! He was a freak!

Were we even going to have another conference? They've been nothing but disasters so far. I always thought that staying solitary was working well… I opened up my emails to see if anyone said anything about it.

Subject: FWD: World Conference Information

From: Germany

To: America, Austria, Australia, Belarus, Canada, China, Cuba, Denmark, England, Egypt, Estonia, France, Finland, Greece, Hungary, , , Japan, Latvia, Lithuania, Liechtenstein , Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, Ukraine

Dear World Conference Attendees,

Today I will be in the World Conference Room ready to seriously discuss the issues regarding homeland security. I trust you will remain mature when you attend and if you feel that you cannot, then remain at home. We do not need you. Meet there at noon and be prepared to leave if there is as much as a single mishap. Thank you.

Germany

I had to fight the urge to slam my face into the keyboard. So soon? And Russia would attend, calm and composed with that disgusting grin on his face and that malicious tint in his eyes. I didn't have to attend… It wasn't like they would notice I was gone anyway… Unless Russia noticed and said something. Dear lord…

So I figured showing up late and leaving early was the best way to avoid any kind of contact with Russia. Good plan.

Unfortunately, when I got there, the chaos already erupted. No doubt, Alfred showed up and acted 'mature' sending Germany and England into a fit. When I walked in, only one person stopped. He seemed like he was trying to escape from Belarus's grasp. He suddenly froze, and the smaller country was propelled into the crowd, lost.

Russia slowly walked towards me, looking like he wanted to rape me, eat me, and kill me all at once. And I was frozen in fear, unable to move, speak, flee, anything. Just his violet eyes against mine.

He leaned down right next to my ear, his breath hot and whispered "Moĭ malenʹkiĭ solntse ... YA hochu, chtoby vy."

I shivered and finally broke out of the odd trance he had me frozen in and bolted. Once in the safety of my car I had to stop and think a moment. I had a steadily hardening erection growing in my pants that I desperately hoped that Russia didn't notice. I needed to avoid him to at all costs if I had any sort of self respect. Why did I have an erection! It was RUSSIA! He wasn't sexy or arousing or exciting or romantic or…

I gathered my wits and tried to forget Russia while I drove home… But I was dazed and reckless. I think I might have run some red lights if I hadn't memorized the way home some well. I stumbled into my home and upstairs, leaving the front door unlocked. I found myself in my room, too excited to get to the bathroom.

His voice was still ringing in my ears as the third time in less than twenty-four hours I jerked off to Russia. I was quick this time, needy, like a little whore. Release snuck up on me and I found myself crying his name out.

So you could probably guess how freaked out I was when he answered.

"Little podsolnechnik," He whispered wrapping a gloved hand around my neck, his other twirling a lock of my hair, "I wish I knew you felt this way sooner." He whispered, "Or else I wouldn't have been so subtle." Words could not describe how embarrassed I was, so I remained silent, wishing, pleading for this moment to just be a dream and that I will wake up any minute.

His lips brushed against my burning neck. They were like ice. The hand that was playing with my hair grabbed my wrists and a moment too late I tried to free myself. His other hand moved to unzipping my jacket. I pressed my eyes shut and wished him away.

"W-Why?" I asked, finally regaining some kind of sanity. He didn't answer, he just chuckled darkly

How did he get here? Did he follow me home? How did I not notice?

"Ahh-hh!" He bit down on my neck; I could almost feel the skin breaking. "St-stop!" I begged, but I didn't mean it. He could tell, too.

I felt his hand on my hip, the fabric of his glove was worn and soft, I could feel my arousal beginning to harden again. And pressed against my bare ass I could feel his too.

Roughly, but not so much that it hurt or really scared me, he tossed me onto my bed. He began unbuckling his pants which did scare me… There were so many rumors about Russia's… manhood… None of which were good. But, then again, they were all coming from America, so that was really no surprise.

And the rumors didn't start without reason. Russia was… well endowed to put it plainly. He pulled a small square package from his pocket, well; at least he was considerate enough to bring his own condom. Lord knows I didn't have any.

First he took of his gloves, pulling off the fingers fist so they would come inside out. He let them fall to the floor. I finally broke my line of sight from his penis and met his violet gaze. He was so calm… quiet…

He climbed onto the bed, still fully clothed, and caressed my face. His fingers had the gentlest touch, but I flinched anyway. "Do not do that," He whispered kissing my cheek, "Pozhaluĭsta," He kissed my lips. His eyes were closed. That was a sign of trust, I think, kissing with your eyes closed.

I kept mine open.

His hand traced the muscles on my stomach. I kept in shape, so there really wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Yet I tried to push his hand away.

"I did not expect you to be so," He smiled into my lips, "fit," He chuckled and grabbed me, pulling my face very near his. "You surprise me, Canada." He kissed me again, deeper this time. He fondled my nether regions and I moaned. Oh god, why in the world did I moan?

In that moment of weakness, well in that ocean of weakness, he placed his hand back on my face, his fingers on my lips, "I have no lubricant" he explained and I let his fingers slide into my mouth. I covered them in spit in the least sexy way I could manage, but I didn't think that would take Russia's mind off of sex. He was pretty damn determined. After a moment, he took his fingers out from my mouth. Wet and glistening.

His fingers prodded that area. The embarrassing one. Slipped in easily because of my spit. It felt weird and uncomfortable, not bad but definitely not good. He wiggled it around a bit, doing his best to get me accustomed to the weird feeling. Then in came number two. It was extremely uncomfortable, bad, it hurt. He spread it apart, moving in and out trying not to hurt me, I think. Then in went the third.

I clawed at the back of his coat, pulling the fabric taut in some kind of sick way to dull the pain in my ass. I bit down on my lip waiting for it to stop when there was a sudden burst of ecstasy. My vision darkened and my grip loosened, and for a moment, everything seemed fine.

Russia chuckled again, "I found it…" He sang.

He took his fingers out, "Wait, no," I said. Shit! Was that begging? Was I begging Russia to finger-fuck me? Oh lord, oh lord, oh lord…

"You are too cute," He said. He pulled my legs apart so he had me almost straddling him. "I'm going to enter now, okay?" As if asking permission now was worth anything.

The pain was immense I felt like he was tearing me apart. He went in slowly until the entire freaking thing was inside and paused.

"Oh move for god's sake!" I cried. It hurt.

He pulled almost all the way out, which felt really good, but shoved back in. It hurt and hurt and hurt and didn't hurt so bad. Then he rammed right into… ya'know that spot and I was ripping at his coat again.

"F-Fuck" I whispered. I could feel Russia's smile. Faster this time. Harder this time. "Ah!"

"Louder." He commanded and drove in. Over and over.

"FUCK!" I screamed. A shutter and I came all over his coat. Shit shit! Hopefully he wouldn't be angry. Hopefully he'd just go and get it cleaned up and not say a word to me ever ever again.

He acted as if it didn't happen at all and kept at it for a little longer. He froze a moment, bit his lip and grunted.

We both lay on my bed, out of breath, faces warm. My ass hurt, his coat was probably ruined. "Canada?" He asked, turning to face me.

"eh?" I asked still staring at my ceiling. It was all too surreal. There was no way this was real.

"What is your name?" He asked.

"Oh. Matthew. Matthew Williams." I replied and turned to meet his eyes.

"I won't forget it." He smiled, "And my name is Ivan Braginski." He reached over and intertwined his fingers into mine.

I smiled too, but I wasn't really sure why. My ass hurt, my house was a mess, I was probably going to have to deal with a lot of political issues, the rest of the countries are going to notice me and not in a good way. But I didn't care. Maybe it was because for the first time I wasn't afraid of Russia, or maybe it was because he someone knew my name. And I realized that I didn't care why or how or when. It just felt good to not be so alone. "Thank you, Ivan." I said.

"Spasibo, Matthew."

Fin

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><p>SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO What'd ya think? Did I do alright?<p>

Not only is this my first Lemon, but it's also my first Hetalia fic to be completed. So YAAAY.

AND IT'S CHEESY!  
>Who likes tame Russia? I DOOOO!<p>

ANYWAY! TRANSLATIONS:

Moĭ malenʹkiĭ solntse ... YA hochu, chtoby vy- My little sunshine... I want you.

podsolnechnik- Sunflower

Pozhaluĭsta - Please

Spasibo - Thank you


	2. Note

Hey everyone! So this is going to be kind of lame and annoying for people just starting to read the fic, but I was wondering if you guys would think it was cool if this became a series of one-shots, instead of just one.

SINCE I am going to cause hell by posting this, I was wondering about your opinion, and yes, that means you have to click the review button. In that comment I want to know if you think that's cool, and if so, what pairings?

SOOOOO

Yeah

Stay beautiful

review me, bitches

I love you

and lot's of gay sex.

P.S. That whole thing with the zombie dino in the last story was that Alfred wanted to bring the dinos back to life so they'll eat all the hungry people. Then there are no hungry people and no hungry zombie dinos.


	3. USUK

Sorry for this being a little late! I'm having a hard time with lemons! DX

This is considerably shorter than the last one, it's also hard to write in 1st person.(This time it's in England's perspective)

SOOO The deal with the names in this one is that Alfred and Arthur already know each others human names 'cause they're bros.

THANK YOU ALL THOSE FAV'RS AND REVIEWERS! XD

Sorry to Anglorussia for not having the pairings you requested. My friend was pestering me to write US/UK now that I'm doing lemons almost every day. DX I can try to do FrUk in later parts, but it'll be hard as a one-shot.

SOOOO ANY OTHER PAIRINGS FOR PART THREE? REVIEW THEM OR YOU'LL GET STUCK WITH WHATEVER HEARTS(My buddy) SUGGESTS!

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><p>"Stop acting like a child." I said staring at the road. That boy was going to get enemies with the way he's running those meetings.<p>

His arms were crossed over his chest and his chin was buried in his chest, he looked like he was trying to drown himself in the passenger seat. "Don't wanna," He mumbled.

I rolled my eyes, "Dear lord, America! If you just grow up, maybe people will listen to you!" I growled.

"Maybe if you stopped treating me like I'm your kid, I'll stop acting like it!" He shot back.

We fell silent. I turned towards his house, his face changed from annoyed to confused. "I'm not going to your place tonight?" He asked peeking out the window to see where we were going. His large house came into view.

"What? No. Why would you?" I asked pulling into his driveway.

"Well my car's there. And my crap." He answered. "And we were gonna hang out and stuff."

I stopped the car, "Oh. Well I can pick you up tomorrow so you can get your car and things." America's face fell, "Oh don't pull that." I said.

Without another word, he got out of the car and slowly began to shuffle his way to his house. I thought a moment, and leaned over to the passenger window, "And don't do anything stupid!" I called. He didn't turn or stop or anything.

I didn't trust him, but I left him.

It felt strange. Pulling into my driveway and seeing his car, but not seeing—or hearing him. In a way it was nice. But I found it more eerily quiet.

I woke to the sound of my phone ringing. In my lap was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I must have fallen asleep. Again, the phone rang, so I answered.

"'Ello?"

"Duuuuuuuuuudddddeeee. Diiid yoouknow thaaat youu're my bestfriend?"

"Alfred?"

"Aaaand did yoouknow thaaat yooou're reaaally sexy?"

"Alfred- wha- You're drunk!"

"Oops! Yacaughtme! God I wanna fuck you sobad,"

I paused.

"Alfred, are you alright?"

"Yeah whywouldn'tIbe?"

"Listen, you need to lie down or drink some water or something."

"I don't wanna. Geeze, Arthur, youshould come over here. Rightnao."

"No, Alfred, I don't think I should"

"Shit. You'regonna leave me like thish? … Do you hate me?"

"No I don't hate you."

"Then we should fuck. Rightnao."

I could feel my face heating up and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. He couldn't be serious. He was drunk. Irrational. Lying.

"Alfred, I want you to sober up and call me in the morning. I was serious when I said that I don't want to deal with your stupid games anymore."

"It's not some shtupid game. When you like someone the way Ilike you, then youfuck. Right?"

"I'm going to hang up, Alfred."

"Dammit Arthur! Why don't you love me the way I love you!"

I paused. Love is stupid, pointless. An empty word. An excuse. A scapegoat. Meaningless. But Alfred was sincere… I think. Dumb enough to think it matters.

"Dammit, Alfred. I can't believe you." And before he could say anything else, I hung up. I was going to sober him up, if he wanted to or not. Irrational fairy.

My drive over was angry. I don't know why, he was just drunk. He could get drunk without upsetting me. Right? Did I just run a red light? Oh, who the fuck cares. I found myself slamming the car door when I finally made it to his house. Why the hell would he do that? It wasn't a big deal. Child! Whiny, spoiled, obnoxious child!

I didn't smell alcohol, so that was good. He wasn't so smashed that the whole house smelled of his rank. "Alfred where the bloody hell are you!" I called. I began tromping through his house in search of the bloody American.

I went upstairs and towards his bedroom. It was a good enough guess. His door stood ajar and there were _noises_ coming from the room.

My pace slowed.

My heart sped.

My footsteps were almost silent as I approached his room. The noises louder, clearer. Moans, soft cries of pleasure… He was wanking off! Right there! I didn't dare look into the room, but I could picture it. His pale skin flushed and sweaty, eyes hazy and drunk.

For a moment the moaning paused for a moment followed by a loud cry.

"ARTHUR-!"

If I were to ever embarrass him, that was the perfect time. "Well I'm flattered." I called from the doorway. I could probably be just about as ruthless as I wanted; he wasn't going to remember it in the morning.

I heard him gasp and the scramble of fabric. I could almost hear the blood vessels rush to his cheeks. "H-How did you—I mean—When the hell did you get here!" He cried. There were a few dull metal clanks. Belt buckle.

"Just a moment ago. I was going to make sure that your drunk ass didn't get into trouble." I start to feel angry again, but I calmed. "I didn't think you were serious on the phone."

"And I didn't think you were actually going to come over!" He sounded frantic and flustered. But not drunk. At least, not drunk like he was on the phone. He poked his head out of the doorway to find me. His golden hair was a mess and his glasses were skewed. But he didn't seem drunk. "Listen, Arthur…" He stepped out. His clothes were wrinkled. "I think we need to talk." No, he wasn't drunk.

We sat down at his dining table, he offered me coffee, but I declined. I really didn't like coffee. It was bitter and made me jittery. Alfred made himself a mug and sat down across from me.

"I'm going to go ahead and assume you were just pretending to be drunk on the phone."

"You were always so clever, you know?" He didn't meet my eyes. He just stared into his coffee.

"Why did you say you wanted to fuck me?" My eyes narrowed.

"Because I want to fuck you." He looked up. His jaw was set and his eyes locked with mine. He was quite sure of that answer.

"And did you think for a second that I wouldn't want to fuck you? That perhaps I'm not gay?" I could feel the anger boiling again.

"I don't care." He said. "I don't know what I was doing on the phone, and I don't know why I said it, but I said it and I wasn't lying." He paused and looked back in his coffee, "So I guess that means that you're straight and I just fucked up our friendship."

There was an awkward pause then. I wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't gay. I was sure of that. But I wasn't one hundred percent positive I was straight. The thought of Alfred wanking off at the thought of me was, egotistical, yes, but also unbelievably hot.

And for a moment, I decided to be irrational.

"Then let's fuck." I said.

He flinched and almost spilled coffee on the table. "Y-You're not serious, are you?" His face was growing red.

I nodded calmly, "I want to see what it's like. Let's fuck."

He led me upstairs to his bedroom. His hand was hot and trembling. His bedroom, to no surprise, was a disaster, but his bed looked inviting and I was becoming more and more needy the longer it took to get there.

I shrugged off my jacket and started loosening my tie and he pulled off his shirt. It was extremely awkward. I could feel the atmosphere thickening as I strode over and started unbuckling his belt. The metal clanks seemed like the loudest noise I had ever heard. He was breathing through his mouth, loud uneven. He was nervous.

"This feels wrong," He said, "I mean… You don't really want this. We haven't even kissed!"

"Then make it feel not weird," I said. I kept cool. Collected. I didn't let my growing nervousness show. "Kiss me."

And if the boy could get anything right, it was that. We kissed a long time. It took an edge off of the night. I could feel him relax. He lost his glasses along the way. We made our way onto his bed somehow, still kissing. Shirtless. Boys. Awkward still, but less so than before.

His hand trailed along my jaw, down my neck, and across my collarbone. I straddled him, sort of, our legs were tangled, I was propped up on one arm, pausing for a moment. Regaining my composure.

And I realized that I really liked it. Him. He was good. Stupid, obnoxious, loud, stupid. But good. I was really turned on.

I began feeling his erection grow in his pants. It was weird to me. Not bad, slightly arousing, and weird. His hands slid to my side and I let myself lay on top of him. Bare flesh on bare flesh. It was kind of electrifying. He was really warm, comforting, I was okay with him. I trusted him.

And I realized that I really needed to lose my trousers. I worked them off and started tugging at his jeans, "Off," I breathed between heated kisses. I kind of rolled off of him and let him shimmy out of his trousers before starting again.

"Wait," He said. I stopped, confused, angry, sexually charged, "We need to figure out who's, uh, ya'know, doing what…" He blushed.

"I thought it would be obvious, I want you to fuck me." Plain. Blunt. Something that was needed with someone as dense as Alfred.

"Y-You're sure? It really hurts the first time… It is your first time…. Right?"

I scoffed, "Yes it's my first time. Fucking a man is barely any different than fucking a woman. I want something new." My voice lowered, "I want you inside of me."

His breath was caught in his throat, "That was unbelievably sexy," He said, surprised.

I tugged at the waistline of his boxers, no more words. I was outrageously horny. It was causing me to be irrational.

His erection was quite stiff and, to my surprise, large. But I wasn't sure what to do with it… To me, the newly bisexual, the penis was still foreign in the sense of it being on another person.

Luckily, Alfred stopped me. "Wait, wait," He scooted over to his nightstand and searched around in the drawers before pulling out a small container and a little square thing. Oh, lube and a condom. "I uh, didn't want to forget…"

He was back under me, his erect penis still freaking me out. I really didn't want to put that thing in my mouth; I couldn't imagine what would happen. So I did what I thought might be right without involving a blow job, and started pumping it with my hand, winning a few groans from Alfred. I realized that it was quite big… Bigger than what I would want going inside of me… But there was really no going back now.

After a few moments, he stopped me again, "I-I should prep you…" He touched my cheek and turned my gaze to meet his. His eyes were dark and half-lidded. Incredibly sexy. I nodded. "Come here," I sort of climbed over so that my arse was right above his crotch. I heard the plastic click of the lube container and closed my eyes. This wasn't going to be pleasant.

I felt his hand slip into my boxers and his fingers prod around. Wet, slippery. His first finger went in easily. In and out over and over until the weirdness of the feeling went away. Then the second intruder entered wiggling about and it started to hurt a bit. I tried not to, but when the third entered I scratched at Alfred's chest. Wishing the feelings away.

His first finger dragged along the inside and it hit something. I cried out. It felt good. He smirked, cocky bastard, and did it again. My face was burning and sweat was beginning to bead on my temple. Then, all at once, he pulled them all out.

Before I could say anything, hid pulled at the waist of my boxers and whispered, "You should lose these."

As quickly as I could, I pulled them off. As I did, he opened the condom and put it on. My heart began to race and I was starting to have doubts.

Before I could act on those, though, I climbed back onto him and kissed him again. Kissing was good, I liked that bit. It was messy, open-mouthed, loud, but I didn't care. It would take my mind off of Alfred's extremely needy erection.

Alfred stopped us, "I'm, uh, going to go in now, okay?" He reached over and got the container of lube again. We kind of rolled around so that I was underneath him and he was leaning over me.

My heart stopped. I shouldn't have done this. Especially not _him._ I swallowed my anxieties and nodded.

When I was just looking at it, I didn't necessarily think that his penis was that big. But as it went further and further in it seemed a whole lot bigger. And then we were shagging. After a while it stopped hurting as much, Alfred seemed to be enjoying himself. He hit that spot again and I was clawing at his back begging for more. With every thrust things got better, so I did my best to ignore the pain.

"Y-You seemed s-so dominant" Alfred whispered into my ear. I could only reply with a weak moan. He chuckled and drove in further. I cried out and grabbed at his back again. "But I guess n-not"

I flushed and refused to meet his eyes.

"H-Hey! I didn't mean it!" He said. His eyelids lowered seductively and he nipped at my neck.

"Ahh—Ahh! D-Damn yank!" I cried.

I climaxed just before he did. We sprawled out on his bed panting, sweaty, dirty. "I-I can't believe I just did that," I mumbled. Alfred, the hero, was going to think that we were gay lovers and any time he needed a shag, he would call me up.

He turned and smiled at me, blue eyes hazy and tired. Maybe I wouldn't mind.

"So, dinosaurs?" I asked, chuckling.

A wide smile burst out on Alfred's face. "Yeah! It'll solve all our problems!"

Fin.

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><p>So America was in character for a while... Right?<p>

IT'S SO HARD DOING 1st PERSON LEMON! OTL

REVIEW ME BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME!

(P.S. If I didn't mention this before, the zombie dinos can also be made into zombie cyborgs and will also be used as war machines. Multi-functional.)


	4. Spamano

First of all, I want to apologize to YaoiDream-Caster because I did not make this Germany/Prussia. As much as I love writing auf Deutsch, the thought of… I'm sorry, I can't handle incest. I call my brother 'bruder' all the time and the thought… Es tut mir leid.

ALSO I really want to write crack, but I'm falling into canon pairings because of Hearts—DAMN YOU HEARTS! So is there any country that would make an awesome crack pairing with Switzerland or Austria? (Wait… is Switzerland/ Austria a popular pairing? I'm such a noob of Hetalia fandom…)

I have a tendency to write as uke… I don't know why… I started this out as Romano and I was all "Waaaaaiiit….. There are only so many times I can write this story" it's tough… Sex… DX OTL.

I'm also sensing a theme of (THIS IS HARD FOR ME TO TYPE) masturbation…. It's so embarrassing DX

Okay, enough babbling onward to sex.

P.S. I'm in German—not Spanish. So my Spanish is also from google translate, and I've heard from lazy people that want to cheat on their Spanish homework that there are a lot of mistakes with google translate. SO THERE WILL BE MISTAKES IN MY SPANISH. If it bothers you a lot, just tell me and I'll fix it, but it would be nice if you could just read the translations instead.

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><p>I was crushed. Beyond a broken heart, and I don't even think that he could see it anymore. All my life I've had this overwhelming feeling to just hold him close—protect him, make sure he's okay… And in return I get hate, stubbornness, lots of name-calling, and little bruises on my chest.<p>

"Bastardo."

I just smiled, like I always do, " Oh Lovi, que significan mucho para mí," I replied. I stood in the doorway, like I always do, my arms outstretched, never expecting a hug, but asking for one anyway.

Lovi glared at me from the couch. He didn't move. He made no attempt at all to show me affection…

As of late, I had a tendency to ask myself if it was worth it… Lovi was never going to return my feelings, so it was all pointless. Sadly, I floated past him into a different room. He didn't notice. He never did.

I escaped to my room and felt tears stinging my eyes. It was ridiculous, I was a grown man. I should never cry. Especially over something like love. I tried my best to stay quiet, no need to bother Lovi.

I flopped onto my bed and rolled onto my back. I could always go do some more gardening... But even that was growing boring now. It seemed that all I wanted was to have Lovi love me back. I dedicated almost all of my day tending to him, caring for him.

A creak came from my door gently being pushed open. I quickly wiped my face and plastered on another smile. Little Lovi came to visit.

"Why are you crying?" He asked from the door. He was so much older than when he was supposedly 'working' for me, but he still seemed the same. His cheeks were round and rosy, he was still adorable.

"I'm not crying, hombre." I replied. I wasn't. Anymore.

He pouted and came a little farther into the room. "I heard you. And your eyes are red. Why are you lying to me, you damn bastard?"

I smiled sadly, "Well, it's because my amor doesn't love me back," I said simply. Lovi blushed deeper.

His face became contorted into an all-too-familiar look of anger. "Well-I-" He sputtered and shifted his eyes around the room. I sat up, interested. He was acting strange, I was worried. He turned to me and glared, "Well I don't care in case you were wondering!"

I smiled at him. _Of course you don't. You never do. _He turned again to the door, his eyes lingering about my room, and stomped away.

And I decided that I was utterly hopeless. I decided that it wasn't worth it anymore. I had spent-no- wasted so many years chasing after an unattainable goal! I was a dog chasing a car! I was the kid staring in the candy store with nothing but a penny in his pocket! I was AntonioFernandez Carriedo chasing after Lovino Vargas! I gathered myself together and stood. I needed to get out of this funk. I needed to get laid. I needed to forget Lovi and just let him be on his own.

As I started walking out, Lovi stopped me, "Where are you going, bastardo?" He asked from the kitchen. He had a tomato in his hand. He was a lot like a tomato. Puffy, red.

"I think I'll stop bothering you now," I replied, smiling. I didn't try too hard like I usually do, though. He could tell there was sadness there.

He scrunched his face together, confused, "Wait, why?"

I chuckled, "It's obvious enough, Lovi, you don't like having me around. I'm going to go find something to do," _preferably a brunette, but maybe I'm just bias _I waved and left. I really, really hoped that Lovi wouldn't be to mad at me. It wasn't like I was moving out of my house or anything. I just needed to get away from him so that I could forget him.

"You poor, poor man. 'Ow could 'e do zat to you?" France gave me a much needed hug and I sat across from him at the booth at the café.

I smiled, "I don't blame him, though. It wasn't his fault."

France got angry, " 'ow can you say that it's not his fault! 'E is shoving away a perfect opportunity for l'amour!" France stared at me with his eyes half-lidded, his voice grew lower, sultry, "Zat is something zat I would never pass up." I felt his hand on my thigh. I fought the urge to push it away… But that was what I went there for anyway.

When I didn't react negatively, I saw a smile creep onto his face.

"Do you want to come back to me 'ouse?" He whispered, leaning over the table.

I swallowed hard. It had been a long time since I'd slept with anyone. Not really at all since I met Lovi. I almost felt like I was saving myself, or that I was so committed to Lovi that It was utterly wrong to sleep with anyone. It felt like I was cheating. I nodded.

Kissing France was not my favorite thing. He had that little bit of facial hair that would scratch against my skin. It felt awkward… Unnatural…. Not soft and flushed like Lovi's… But I couldn't have Lovi so I kissed back.

Every nip at skin, every flushed brushing, every breathy moan France would give sent me deeper and deeper into a hole of guilt. Before we got anywhere at all, I found my whole body shaking and eyes welling up.

France rubbed my back as I cried, sobbed, my shoulders shaking and stomach convulsing. I felt like I was going to puke. I felt horribly guilty for leaving Lovi and I felt worse for leading France on. But somehow, I think he knew all along that I couldn't just forget Lovi…

"I can see zat you truly love zis boy," He said. I looked up at him, my face still wet with tears, "And now I blame you. 'Ow could you leave that boy on 'is own?" His tone remained soft and comforting. "Tell me, did you only ever say zat you loved him, but never tried to prove it?"

I paused. I didn't remember any time that I did. I would tell Lovino that I loved him over and over and I would offer him hugs… But what had I done that would make Lovino ever want me back?

"Tell me, 'ave you ever even kissed ze boy?"

I froze. No. I had never even attempted to kiss Lovi. He would have hated it, I was sure. He would have pushed me away and it would ruin things between us… Though, things seemed pretty bad right then. I shook my head.

Suddenly, he stood up and walked into his kitchen. "What are you doing?" I called. He waved me off.

He came back with a bottle of wine, "You are going to take zis wine and you are going right back to Romano, and you are going to sweep zat boy right off his feet. And I do not want to hear a word from you until you are laid!" He shoved the bottle into my hand and pulled me up by the other one.

I found myself where I had started. I was standing on my own doorstep, a bottle of wine in hand, and I don't know why, but I was terribly afraid. _What if I just make Romano more upset? What if I ruin what little we have left? What if he never wants to see me again? _ But thinking again, France was my best friend and he knew all about these kinds of things. I could trust him just like I could trust Prussia… _But I don't know France or Prussia's names… And they don't even know mine…_ Revealing your name is something that should be with someone you trust one hundred percent, so do they not trust me? I knew Lovino's name…

I walked in…

The house was basically as I left it only Romano wasn't in the kitchen anymore. Things weren't a mess, which was almost expected, so that was nice. I searched around the living room and kitchen but Lovino wasn't anywhere there. "Hola? Lovino? I'm back!" I called, but there was no answer. I was starting to think that he had left as well when I heard some noise coming from my bedroom. It sounded something like my name…

I didn't want to seem too eager so I walked to the door slowly, "Lovino, you in there?" I asked. There was a gasp from behind the door.

When I opened the door, I saw Lovi laying on my sheets naked and flushed one hand wrapped around his cock and the other intertwined with his curl. His hand wand was glistening with precum and it seemed he was already close to release.

We were both frozen, but when I got over the initial shock, my surprised face melted into a smile. That seemed to trigger something in Lovi and he started to screech, his face bright red and puffy. A little tomato. "I—It wasn't- This is not- And it's not- It's all your fault!" He attempted to hide himself under the sheets, but he was too flustered to be well coordinated.

I set the wine on the nightstand and climbed onto the bed, humming, "So I was the one that made you like this?" I kept my eyes locked with his but I gestured to his throbbing erection.

He sputtered and backed up into the headboard, "N-No! Shut up, bastard!"

Sensing the lie, I leaned in to his ear, "I'll make it up to you, I promise," I whispered kissing his cheek.

"D-Don't say things like that!" He cried trying to push me away. "G-Go away!" I ran a hand down his bare chest, his skin soft, unblemished, no deep open wounds of war and famine like so many other nations these days.

I stopped and sat up straight, "Do you want me to go away?" I asked. He stared at my hands in a state of utter want. "Just say the word and I will leave you." I said.

Romano's face grew into a darker shade of red, "I-I" He paused and looked away. The messed up sheets. The red wallpaper. The bottle of wine. "Don't go." He finally choked out.

I took his face in my hands and stared him straight in the face, "Romano—Lovino, I love you." I told him, "And I will prove it to you." I, finally, kissed his lips. I felt him gasp on them, but he stopped pushing into my chest, and he actually started kissing me back. Primal instinct was taking over and I left his mouth to attack his neck.

"Sh-Shit! Y-You bastard!" He breathed. I nipped at his jugular as my hands roamed across his body. I tweaked one of his nipples and he gasped. "F-Fuck!" I assumed he was begging for release, he was already so close when I had walked in. I let my hand trail down into his lap and stroke his twitching erection. "Fuck! Tonio I'm going to fucking come! Get the hell out of here!" He cried.

I smirked into his neck, "No chance." I said as I started rubbing the head. It was slippery from precum.

"Ah—Shit!" He cried. He came onto his stomach and my shirt, panting. I pulled my shirt off and trailed kissed down his neck and onto his stomach, licking up the sticky mess "Bastard! I already came you have to g—mnhhh," He was already getting another hard-on as I sucked at his nipple. One hand began playing with his limp penis again and the other tangled itself in his curl. I felt it begin to stiffen up.

"Mmnh, Tonio…" He hummed.

As quick as I could manage, I ran to my nightstand and looked through the drawer. I could hear Lovi whine as I left. "Un momento!" I said and pulled out the container of lubricant and a box of condoms.

"You keep that in your nightstand?" He asked, a little flabbergasted.

"Yes I do." I replied and kissed his lips again. I fumbled with the container, trying to keep myself focused on Lovi. I spilled the lube onto my fingers and felt around Lovi's nether regions. He gasped again. "I love you, Lovi." I told him as I slipped a finger into his entrance.

" Ah—That feels weird!" He breathed.

I reached around and tried to find his sweet spot so that I could make him warm up to the idea a little better. I prodded and poked around until finally his breath hitched and his eyes fluttered closed.

"Ah—what w-was that…?" He asked his voice low and sexy.

I smiled. "Felt good, right?" He hummed in response.

Seeing that he was comfortable with the one, I pushed in a second. His breath hitched, this one would hurt more. I stretched him the best I could, massaging his back to calm him as I inserted the third.

At that, he cried out a little in pain. "Shit that hurts, bastard!" He mumbled, obviously not in too much pain.

"I know, I know, it will feel better," I promised kissing his shoulder. I moved my fingers around and he went from wincing to calmness to back into liking it. "I'm going to put it in now, okay?" I asked. He nodded. I quickly lathered my penis in the lube.

I made sure to go in slowly as to not hurt Lovi. He whined a little as I pushed in. His eyes were scrunched shut and sweat was beading on his brow. He was incredibly tight. When I was fully sheathed I paused to notice that Lovi was panting, "M-Merda, spostare il vostro pene d-dannata!" He said, his voice getting higher. I knew a little bit of italian so I got that he said something about moving my penis. So I obliged pulling out a bit and gently pushing back in. He gasped and whined a little.

Lovino didn't seem too pleased, "What is it, mi amore?" I asked, pulling out a little farther and pushing in. He bit his lip and avoided my eyes and did not answer, "I can't make it better until you tell me." I urged him. I kept my gentle pace, waiting for him to answer.

His face, though previously bright red, grew into a brighter shade."H-harder." He mumbled quietly.

"Ah—What's that?" I asked, slowing more.

"I said harder," He growled. I couldn't help but smirk. I pulled nearly the whole way out and shoved in quicker than before. Lovi cried out.

"Better?" I breathed against his neck.

I shoved in him again, aiming for his sweet spot, "AHH! Yes! Yes! Yes!" He cried. He clawed at by back, biting his lip when he wasn't mewling or gasping. "Fuck—ah—Tonio!"

"Te amo. Te amo. Te amo" I repeated into his ear as I pushed and pushed.

I felt warmth pooling in my stomach and my pace bécame sloppier. I don't think Lovino noticed, though. He was nearing release as well. "Mi amore, I-I am going to cum." I warned him. He nodded, his eyes shut tight. I grasped his curl and tugged a little bit and felt Lovi tighten around my penis as he came all over our stomaches for the second time. His relaxing muscles brought me to my release only moments after him.

"I believe you," Lovi said, his eys fluttering from exhaustion.

I looked up at him, confused. "Hmm?"

"I believe that you love me, bastard, alright?" His face grew red again, "Anch'io ti amo, okay? Smettere di preoccuparsi di me, ora."

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><p>Translations:<p>

Oh Lovi, que significan mucho para mí,: Oh, Lovi, you mean a lot to me!

hombre: lot's of things... I'm saying it's something like "dude" or "bro"

bastardo: Bastard (Shocker)

amore: love

M-Merda, spostare il vostro pene d-dannata: S-Shit, move you're d-damn penis!

Te amo: I love you

Anch'io ti amo, okay? Smettere di preoccuparsi di me, ora: I love you, okay? Stop bothering me now.

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><p>Out of character, character? Check. Masturbation? Check. Smut? Check. Cheesey Halkmark ending? Check.<p>

SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER I'M WRITING ANOTHER FIC THAT YOU SHOULD READ. (I'm pretty sure I can't post a link and I'm too tired to jump through hoops to find out if I can or not so just click on my profile for it.)

It's Superhero!USXSupervillain!UK It's very silly and I love it.

Send me pairings! I think next might be Franada... Just cause I think that Canada would make a nice, dirty whore. DX *shot*

What has come over me?


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